Chapter 13: Angry

If I could see red in anger, today I would have seen it. If I could see red in anger, last night, I would have seen it.

I bought a very nice and very decorative duve/sheet set and a body pillow from a co-worker who is moving last week and left it in my foyer, the pillow in a large Ikea bag and the duvet/sheet set in the original clear sturdy zipped plastic bag. I left many items in the foyer because— quite frankly, I can. I live alone and my foyer is very spacious. It is where things are out of the way and where I leave things when I get home until I’m ready to deal with them.

Apparently, I left my new suitcase, new jacket that had my class ring safely in the zipped pocket to make it easier to get through security at the airport, my large decorative bag I use for shopping, though it is not a shopping bag. It is a nice duffel bag and my new electronic water boiler.

I didn’t notice when any of those items went missing because I assumed my housekeeper had just stored them in normal places when she cleaned up. No big deal. Who wouldn’t want someone else to put their luggage away and store their new linens?

A week passed and I couldn’t find my purple jacket or my class ring, though I did not make a connection between the two at all, nor did I think my housekeeper touched them. I really thought I had left my class ring in the states from Christmas. I was beginning to worry that I left my new purple jacket in a restaurant or something. I searched through all of my laundry piles many times to no avail. I sadly let it go. It wouldn’t be the first time I left something I liked on a bus or in a foreign country never to see it again.

I decided last night that I would put my new linens on my bed, but as I scoured the house, I couldn’t find them. Suddenly, I realized that my body pillow and my new linens were not in my house and I searched every crevice again and again hoping to find them. I realized that the only other person with access was my housekeeper. I can’t even describe it. I was livid. So angry I could hardly breathe. I assumed she thought that I intended the linens and pillow as trash and threw them away—or maybe she thought they were there as gifts for her and took them. Either way, I was so beside myself that I laid on the floor to calm down. It had nothing to do with the money I spent or the objects themselves. I couldn’t care less about the money and I could certainly do without the objects since I had never even used them, but something about the situation left me—fuming.

Finally, I allowed myself to pray about the matter—that I would be able to let go of the anger. I remembered that what she had done was most likely not done in malice and even if it was, her offense against me was nothing compared to how I offend the Father every day of my life. Every time I use His name inappropriately. Every time I gossip. Every time I put someone or something above Him. The notion helped me to calm down and release the indignation for the night.

I dreamt that I woke up and found the items on a shelf that I had missed the night before. When I really woke up and was getting ready for work this morning, I remembered the dream, and again, I began to feel incensed. I prayed and let it go.

At work I spoke to a co-worker about it and he advised me to ask our housing director to call her (She ONLY speaks Chinese and he speaks English and Chinese) and ask about it. He emailed me back and told me that she thought I was going to ask her to throw the items in the garbage so she took them and gave them away. Wow, I thought. But then again, I am probably editing my thoughts.

She sent me a text shortly thereafter, which I had translated by a friend. It simply said she found my items and wanted to know if she was expected to work next week during Chinese New year. It felt to me that she was downplaying the situation. I was briefly incensed again, but quickly let it go.

Then I got home and found not only my two bags of linens/pillow in the living room, but my new suitcase as well. I did not even realize it was missing yet! I opened it and found the new electronic water boiler I just bought last week (something I was looking for, but thought it just got lost in the pile of stuff I brought back from the states which is located the spare room—stuff that I didn’t feel like going through quite yet) and the nice duffel I use on shopping trips. I pulled the body pillow out of its bag to wash the cover and found my new purple jacket rolled up in the bottom of the bag. I found in the zipped front pocket of the jacket, my class ring that I have been missing.

Suddenly I was fuming again. I prayed but new I had to write. Now, I feel better. I’m thinking of letting her go. I have had a few other issues and it just feels too stressful. Anyway, I’m grateful I have the opportunity to have help at home here. It’s definitely a blessing I know, a blessing that I will likely not have in the states.

God is teaching me stuff. Not exactly sure what today, but I’m sure it will be good. No, it will definitely be good.